By Susan Letterman White
Conflict is a natural consequence of differences. People have differences in what they notice and miss in their world view, how they make sense of what they notice based on their experiences in life and what they want for the future, how they express their ideas, and their emotional reactions to different situations. These differences are what help groups see new avenues for achieving shared goals or to re-conceptualize what they want for the group and themselves individually. Conflict, when re-conceptualized as a challenge, signals opportunities. The benefit comes from the pause leading to deeper thinking, creativity, and understanding of differences that lead to different and options for resolving the challenge.
Unresolved conflict, however, can have disastrous consequences for a group that otherwise has the potential for unstoppable success. It can frustrate, anger and cloud perception, become verbally or physically violent, reduce morale, increase stress, and decrease productivity. The energy around conflict can lead to creative solutions or like a pot of boiling water can either explode over the sides or dry up and ruin the pot. Why does some conflict result in innovation, while others just ruin the “pot?”
It seems there are two types of conflict: relationship conflict, which is personal and emotional and task conflict, which is about ideas and opinions. It also seems, based on research Adam Grant discusses in his book, Think Again, teams that perform poorly start with more relationship conflict than task conflict.
Conflict is inevitable in a healthy workplace. The Thomas-Kilmann model explains five possible approaches to ending conflict. These approaches stem from how that person experiences conflict and their initial reaction. They might try to avoid it, accommodate the other party involved with them in a conflict, find a compromise to end the conflict, collaborate with the other party to find a sustainable solution, or compete to win. Superimposed over a default tendency a person has for approaching conflict is that person’s natural tendencies in communication. The Social Style model explains four possible communication style preferences that may appear more or less: (1) analytical, (2) focused on resolution and action, (3) supportive of others, or (4) enthusiastic and imaginative. So, although conflict is healthy, productive managing the energy around conflict is a high-level leadership skill that is not taught in traditional academic programs. Too often the conflict in a discussion is not about the ideas, but about the tension created because ideas are communicated in ways that trigger a strong emotional reaction when received.
Productive conflict happens in a group of people, who trust each other to point out blind spots, are humble about their personal expertise, and push each other to be curious about new perspectives. They, fearlessly or with courage, question the status quo and demand re-thinking as a group. This happens only when the relationship bonds are strong and individual goals are to elevate the work of the group and not simply give and receive ego-building praise.
So, this means to harness the “good” in conflict, the group must reduce relationship conflict and learn how to manage task conflict productively. Reduce relationship conflict by strengthening or eliminating relationships that are fraught with personal animus. They are destructive to the important work of the group. Improve the individual emotional intelligence of group members. Emotional intelligence begins with developing an awareness of one’s emotions in the moment and learning to quell strong emotions when they interfere with productive conflict.
Reduce task conflict by reframing the conflict as a challenge that is collectively shared. Introduce discussion norms to make explicit the emotional triggers resulting from how ideas are communicated and how to reduce destructive emotional energy, while preserving productive emotional energy. There are six principles of productive communication:
Communicate purposefully
Listen to understand
Suspend judgment
Identify interests
Brainstorm options
Design solutions
1. Communicating purposefully means that you have a clear intention of how you want your communication to affect another person. Questions to ask yourself before you communicate include:
What is your purpose?
What are the messages you want to send?
To whom is each message directed?
How can you best convey your message?
2. Listen to understand means that you listen to another person without planning your response. After carefully listening to understand the person’s interests, you ask questions to check whether or not your perception of the communication is what the person intended to communicate to you. Statements to seek understanding are open ended questions or requests for elaboration and begin with:
Let me see if I understand, you said…
Did you mean…
Tell me more about…
3. Suspend judgment means that you are curious to discover what information and assumptions are behind a person’s statements. You refrain from stating your position and arguing and instead you state your interests. You wonder why something communicated is important to the person communicating. Questions to show curiosity and suspend judgment are:
Why is that important?
Why is that a concern?
Why does that matter?
What leads you to that conclusion?
4. Identifying interests means identifying goals, wants, needs, expectations, concerns, and hopes. To do that:
Disclose your interests.
Listen for and acknowledge the interests of others.
Clarify your understanding of others’ interests.
Look for and identify shared interests.
5. After everyone has had an opportunity to identify their interests and understands the interests of others, the group can brainstorm options to satisfy as many interests as possible. It is not the time to evaluate the options. It is the time to generate as many options as possible. Look for and identify shared options.
6. Designing solutions means jointly discussing the options and how each satisfies interests. It is the time for evaluating solutions. Look for fairness, reasonableness, and the ability to implement the solutions. Do you need to add in time management or accountability processes for ideal solution implementation?
